nothin like a little rain to wash away everything.. i guess theres a double meaning behind that.. so what do we call this point in my life? i guess it would have to be the transitional phase?
thanks, no seirously, there is no sarcasm behind that statement at all.. i'm very thankful for the past couple of recent occurences..its has got me to realize a few things.. actually a lot.. several reparations i need to make about myself.. its gotten me to re-evaluate my motives in life.. it.. gosh i can't find the right word for it.. but its kind of like a ripple effect... or a domino effect of some sort. i've been talking to a lot of my close friends.. many of them are suffering through well, heartache, end of relationships, finding themselves phase of their lives... it kind of hurts thinking about it cause it got me to think of my own situation. i've gotten phonecalls from friends in a lot of pain.. and im pretty quick to jump up at the opportunity to comfort my friends, cause no matter what, damn im only one phonecall away and im there at your door step...its ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT, and always WILL BE LIKE that. but after i say "yeah ill be right over"... something clicks in my head and i think "wait a minute, am i the right person to be giving you advice or helping you out? when i, myself am going through a similar situation and is too stubborn to follow my own advice???"
but geez, i know the feeling of needing somebody to talk to, vent to, just having somebody there. what was my point? oh yeah, so tonight, i asked my friend, "what do you want for yourself? what is it that you want out of all of this, from yourself for yourself? be selfish and seriously think about it.."
at that moment, i thought about myself too.. and damn, i am very UNHAPPY..there, i admit it. no shit i've been super emo, yeah im great at hiding it, you don't have to tell me a "no shit sherlock statement"
i feel sorta sorry for my other friends for having to listen and put up with myself.. actually i've been sounding like a little bitch lately, insecure, unmotivated, distracted, confused, apathetic, yeack, i hate that shit. BUT helping somebody out through a tough time, got me to also focus on MY own situation. i need to handle my shit, i need to take my test and pass, i need to establish myself, i need to start doing things for myself again. so yeah, i found a hobby, im going to start going to the true fight club gym, or whatever the hell its called, im gonna start physically conditioning myself again for surfing, gona start hitting the gym, gonna become more pro-active i have a couple of secret goals that im not gonna post on here, just cause ...lol but yeah.. i know theres no "off" button on thinkin about things.. or feeling anything.. but hey, i've learned the great art of distraction.. i gota go back to the old me... i can do this tomorrow is a new day... as HORACE SAID.. Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero
(Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future) | 
